Calmness. Slight Breeze coming through the window on my right and completely relaxed on my single bed, lying spread out with a lavalava on and flicking through the books I brought over and have acquired since being here.The sun is beginning to set, so I reach up to flick on my bed light. I hear a slight noise and look up to see a gigantic insect - a cross between a cricket and a cockroach walking down my wall towards me. It's at least 5 cm's long and that same length away from my nose.
For a split second, I just stare at it, my skin goose bumps and I hold my breath.
Eyes lock between the two enemies, wind blows hair across their faces and a hay bail blows across the path between the two fearless warriors. Arms poised on shot guns attached to waists.
With a scream, I leap up and in the same instant, the crick-roach runs like a bat outta hell under the bed. I start shaking my head, arms, legs and whole body about - like a crazy dance - rubbing away any thought of the creature possibly landing on me.
Welcome to my war.
It's a war with creatures that I have trouble maintaining sanity around and is completely one sided. It's not that I think they are ugly, or particularly dangerous. It's an irrational reaction of my senses and every time I freak out I think;
Breathe deep. Calm down. It's just an insect. It won't harm you.
The C.B.T. doesn't work though and every time something larger than my big toe gets within 1/2 metre of me, the freakin' out begins.
Sitting at the Train Station...
...waiting for my next adventure to begin in a larger town when I contemplate visiting the bathroom before the journey - walk briskly to the building, turn in the same motion and walk briskly away. There's a damn HUGE grasshopper sitting smack bang in the middle of the door way. no WAY I can get past it without breaching the 1/2 metre restriction of having to freak.
Open the bathroom cupboard...
... reaching in to search for a new box of laundry powder. One of those crick-roaches gets disturbed and wanders out of it's dark corner. I quickly slam shut the cupboard doors, run out of the bathroom, shut that door as well just in case. And then ponder how I'm going to do my washing now.
Just about to jump on my bike...
... when I notice a stick creature as big as my palm hangin' out on my handle bars. I'm trapped. I need to go, I must go on my bike, but I can't get any closer to this creature without having a mild panic attack. I'm locked. my muscles are so tense my arms are shaking and goose bumps have arisen all over. Deep breaths, gritted teeth and sheer determination force me to take out my book and with a swipe and a little 'shake my body' dance, the evil force is a safe distance away from my body and bike.
Back in the bedroom...
... the crick-roach is under the bed and I'm standing locked in the doorway unsure of my next move. Book still clutched in my hand. The insect scurried out from the bed - sensing the anxious-fulled-air no doubt and I see what it sees - a gap under the wardrobe. ahhh... plenty more space to breed more crick-roaches to feed my phobia and where no one can reach. All of a sudden, I'm all action - the insect is heading full-tit towards the dark comfort of under the wardrobe, but I'm quick and I slam the book I'm holding right on him. I feel his body under the book and I do the only think I can think of, I stand on it - feeling his hard shell crack under 60+kg's of weight. I say a silent prayer asking the spirit of all living things to forgive my selfishness of killing a living thing that dared to step into my space. I twist the book and hear another crack, making sure it's dead. Then start to breath again.
Breathe deep. Calm down. It's just an insect. It won't harm you.
The C.B.T. doesn't work though and every time something larger than my big toe gets within 1/2 metre of me, the freakin' out begins.
Sitting at the Train Station...
...waiting for my next adventure to begin in a larger town when I contemplate visiting the bathroom before the journey - walk briskly to the building, turn in the same motion and walk briskly away. There's a damn HUGE grasshopper sitting smack bang in the middle of the door way. no WAY I can get past it without breaching the 1/2 metre restriction of having to freak.
Open the bathroom cupboard...
... reaching in to search for a new box of laundry powder. One of those crick-roaches gets disturbed and wanders out of it's dark corner. I quickly slam shut the cupboard doors, run out of the bathroom, shut that door as well just in case. And then ponder how I'm going to do my washing now.
Just about to jump on my bike...
... when I notice a stick creature as big as my palm hangin' out on my handle bars. I'm trapped. I need to go, I must go on my bike, but I can't get any closer to this creature without having a mild panic attack. I'm locked. my muscles are so tense my arms are shaking and goose bumps have arisen all over. Deep breaths, gritted teeth and sheer determination force me to take out my book and with a swipe and a little 'shake my body' dance, the evil force is a safe distance away from my body and bike.
Back in the bedroom...
... the crick-roach is under the bed and I'm standing locked in the doorway unsure of my next move. Book still clutched in my hand. The insect scurried out from the bed - sensing the anxious-fulled-air no doubt and I see what it sees - a gap under the wardrobe. ahhh... plenty more space to breed more crick-roaches to feed my phobia and where no one can reach. All of a sudden, I'm all action - the insect is heading full-tit towards the dark comfort of under the wardrobe, but I'm quick and I slam the book I'm holding right on him. I feel his body under the book and I do the only think I can think of, I stand on it - feeling his hard shell crack under 60+kg's of weight. I say a silent prayer asking the spirit of all living things to forgive my selfishness of killing a living thing that dared to step into my space. I twist the book and hear another crack, making sure it's dead. Then start to breath again.
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